


Vents

by misslenabrooke



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Anxiety, Childhood Trauma, Death of a friend, Depression, Heartbreak, Identity Issues, Insecurity, teen angst for DAYS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23722930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misslenabrooke/pseuds/misslenabrooke
Summary: Basically a way to use my creativity to get some feelings out.Future trigger warnings: child murder/loss.





	1. Burning the Memories

**Author's Note:**

> _You and your words flooded my senses  
>  Your sentences left me defenseless  
> You built me palaces out of paragraphs,  
> You built cathedrals_
> 
> _I'm re-reading the letters you wrote to me  
>  I'm searching and scanning for answers in every line  
> For some kind of sign  
> And when you were mine  
> The world seemed to burn_

Those days seemed so easy back then. It looked like they'd last for many more days to come. But as I look back, what happened? Where did I go wrong? When did you become a stranger? I can't even see who you are now and who you pretended to be as the same person. What about the girl I pretended to be? The girl who spent many sleepless nights worrying about you before herself, the girl who was too in love to admit it was draining her... Was she good enough? I guess she wasn't, and the girl pouring her heart out in every word is undoubtedly not enough for you either.

Honestly, I know it's foolish to still miss the person I used to know. I know you've gone too far to possibly turn back now, and you left it all behind without a second thought. But your facade was a comfort in my darkest of days, even when you were the cause of the darkness. Your beautiful lies lead me astray from the ugly, brutal truth.

I also knew I shouldn't have trusted you from day one. Don't think I was _that_ oblivious! If anything, I was more observant than you think I am. Your true colors always dared to peek out, and I simply covered my eyes. Why did I do this? For some reason, the attention was worth much more than my own wellbeing. God, the attention was what I ran on. You still managed to fake empathy well enough for me to believe it. I noticed how I was a last resort to talk about your feelings to. I noticed how much more I gave than I received. But I convinced myself it was all paranoia, and tried to just be thankful that someone bothered to give me the time of day. My whole life I've been a joke, you know that. For once, I felt like someone wasn't laughing. Boy, was I very much mistaken.

I've sworn up and down to myself that I hate you now, and it's true. If you even cared enough to make any excuses, they automatically would mean absolutely nothing to me. You've lied and hid too much, you've embraced the darkness of arrogance and superficiality. But I'm lighting up the dark with the fire I've tossed my memories into. One of the few good things I've gotten from you was a better sense of awareness.

Did it feel nice to replace me after I gave you every piece of me that I possibly could? I'd say so, considering how I had to find out by myself that we were apparently done. I might as well have never existed to you. That fake talk about wanting to be with me; how many people have you used those lines on? I was far from your first and far from your last, but you weren't for me. At the very least, I hope you have a happy life doing these things to vulnerable people. It seems to be what you love and do best.

I may wish that we never met at all, but thanks for making me realize how much better I deserve.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a personal tragedy of mine, so this chapter is really raw. I am sleepy at the moment of writing though, that's the only reason this isn't longer.
> 
> RIP Skylar, 2003-2012

We grew up in a very Christian area. Obviously, that means I've heard lots of people say that God loves us and does everything for a reason. God's a sadist and doesn't give a shit in my opinion.

If he loves us, why did he take you away? You were supposed to stay. You were supposed to finish fourth grade with me. We were supposed to have a sleepover the day he took you.

When we went looking for you, I didn't think it would hurt this badly. I expected to get the bad news sooner or later, but I didn't think the moment I found out would be so heart wrenching. Three days before Christmas, I woke up waiting to hear if they found you. My dad stayed all the way until early in the morning, not leaving until they did.

 _"I'm sorry... She's_ _dead."_ I can't even imagine how hard it is for a man to tell his ten year old daughter that. No father should ever have to do such a thing. I cried for what felt like hours.

You were gone. Nothing would be changing that.

The next year or so, I went crazy with grief. One day when I was at the mall with my mom, I thought I saw you in the bathroom mirror. I know I didn't, but that's how desperate I was to see you again and tell you everything. I had dreams where you came back to life and didn't know you died in the first place. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have those dreams on occasion nearly 8 years later. I just want to tell you I'm sorry. Sorry that I initially judged you just to fit in with the other kids. Sorry that I didn't spend more time with you.

Sorry that it wasn't me instead.


End file.
